raising kids

In one of my blogs, When Death Do Us Part, I described my daughter's preoccupation with death. I thought we had finished the discussion. Then one morning last week, as I had finished fixing her ponytails before her school service comes, she burst into tears. I was startled and I started asking why. The more I asked, the harder she cried. My first thought was that her computer broke down again, then I thought someone had hurt her. Then I became worried that she'd go on crying until we're both late, and I was thinking of excuses to tell my boss.

She said, between sobs, that she did not want me to die. Oh, so that's it.

I sat her down and asked for more details. Apparently, one of her classmates informed her that all parents would die. I explained, carefully, that yes, all parents die. But hopefully, not too soon. I said I understand that she did not want me to die, and I myself do not want to die yet. But we never know when death will come. I did not add that I could easily die on my way to work, or never wake up at all one morning. I don't think I can handle a hysterical eight-year-old.

I said it's okay to get upset about it, but she has to understand that death is part of being human. And she cannot go on thinking about me dying. I told her I hope to see her children before I die. And I hoped her school service would be late while I explained further and fixed her face.

I think we did fine. Now whenever she hears things from other children, she clears them with me. Mama, is it true that when you take a bath at night, you'll become sickly? No, you'll just sleep better because you're fresh and cool. Mama, my friend said if I lay down at night with wet hair, my eyes will cloud over, and I'll get white hair. No, honey, it's just an old wives' tale. You have weak eyes to begin with, and no third-grader ever grew white hairs. Mama, what's an old wives' tale? Honey, it's a long explanation. Ask me about Facebook instead.

I'll take those eight-year-old tears and gladly explain why people die. But with it came the realization that before long, she'd come to me in tears because she'd broken up with her boyfriend, and it would be harder to explain why hearts break.

In time, she would learn that as much as mothers love their kids, mothers do not have all the answers, mothers are not always right, and yes, mothers die.