Before class one night, I shared my sentiments over husbands who check too much. This progressed to the little irritating things that men do. Later, my classmate Jagey offered to share a man's POV. These are the things I learned:
1. A man's ego is a big deal. It's hard-wired in him. If you are an intellectually superior wife, you should be bright enough to understand that it's not something you flaunt when the husband's with you, unless you want to pick a fight.
2. Talk to him. A man can't take hints. When you want him to change a lightbulb, you have to tell him exactly when you want it changed. You can't go on pretending to bump into things in the darkened kitchen for a month. He just doesn't get it until you actually say, "Right now." And use simple words. If you talk for an hour, the actual request gets lost in the translation.
3. Men are pigs (Jagey's actual words). They're just different. You'll just get tired of asking him to hang his towel on the hook after taking a shower, or to be careful when pulling a shirt from the closet because the whole pile gets messed up. He will always be looking for socks. I'm taking this lightly. I'm not even talking about farting on the dinner table.
4. Don't rub it in. If you earn more than he does, you can't just buy P5,000- peso shoes every two weeks and say "Well, I can afford it" when he finds out. Better to hide the shoes under the office table. :-)
5. Relearn the loving look. Jagey says to get past the minor irritations, you should try to remember how you looked at him when you realized you loved him already. You should recall the HHWW sessions (if you don't remember what that is, you should seriously re-think why you fell in love with him in the first place).
Okay, so I had a few days to reflect on this. And last night, he had a couple of beers with his friends before dinner. It was one of the things that piss me off. I was looking at him across the table. I knew I was frowning, but I tried to remember how the dog looks adoringly at him. I tried to remember the night we got drunk around a campfire on Good Friday, and how I thought he looked good enough to eat.
He looked up.
"What's with the look?" he said.
"What look?" I said. I thought I looked lovestruck, staring at him over the bowl of adobo.
"You look like your cat contemplating the murder of a mouse."
Oh, Jagey, I have a long way to go.
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Hi there bothered wife! Seems to me you are more lost in the line of questioning than translation. Bonding in marriage is a matter of enduring no matter what than questioning and looking for answers to something spontaneous, temporal and ever changing. In a relationship, you don’t measure… you just build.
What you are into right now, as I perceive it, is that you are channeling your relationship to the mutual center between you and your husband. On this case, this will have to involve your faith. There are too much contrast between man and women that they will never be mutual. But there is a proven center to any relationship and that is faith. It is the faith that binds you to have a relationship – the ‘till death do us part’ stuff. If you are a Christian then I suggest you refer to the manual of life which is the Holy Bible. There you will see dozens of provisions about relationship between husband and wife. But if you’re not a Christian I guess the principles on your faith may also lead you.
Bottom line is I think the right question for you is… to what direction are you driving your relationship? Is it geared towards the center of your faith or on the opposite ends of nonstop questioning and reasoning?
Just suggesting no harm meant!
Take it easy now bothered wife coz this too shall pass.
Cheers!
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