letting go

My daughter grew up attached to a little bolster pillow that she had named ‘Baby.’ I made Baby’s blue-and-yellow pillowcases when I was still pregnant; I sewed them by hand in my graveyard shifts at the call center. I would re-stuff Baby when it became flat at least twice a year.

My daughter never went anywhere without Baby. She could not sleep without Baby. She dragged Baby while playing, while eating, and on trips. In one of our vacations I forgot to bring an extra pillowcase for Baby, and it became dirty. My daughter cried as Baby’s ‘dress’ was washed and she waited as it dried on the clothesline. Baby often stank because my daughter would rub the end of the pillow against her mouth as she waited to fall asleep.

When my daughter turned five, we talked to her about Baby. We said she was growing up, and it was time to outgrow Baby. Besides, the pillowcase is already too frayed and faded from five years of washing, since she never wanted Baby to change dresses. She cried.

We scheduled a shopping trip to buy Baby’s replacement. We had agreed on a soft doll that she could still hug when she went to sleep. She would choose the doll, then we would put Baby in a plastic bag for putting in the trash. Which was what we did, although the day was punctuated by little sobs as she prepared to say goodbye to Baby.

She slept poorly on the first night without Baby, but after a few days she declared that she loved the new doll, which she named Sabrina.

Sabrina wore a pink dress and had little knickers. Sabrina also had the habit of disappearing whenever my daughter misbehaved, so my daughter got very cautious about offending Sabrina. As a result, they got along well most days, and the house is peaceful.

After a year, Sabrina lost her button nose, and my daughter said Sabrina was getting ugly with age. Already she would forget Sabrina when she runs out to play. I know that she would soon prefer more ‘grown-up toys’ as she declares ‘I’m a big girl now!’ It would not be too long before she gives up the doll.

We could learn a lot about letting go from little kids who say goodbye to old bolster pillows. The same could be said for broken hearts, lost loves, dead pets, wallets left on buses, and stolen boyfriends. We could cry a little, then it’s time to move on. Sometimes we outgrow the hurt, sometimes we forget. Sometimes we always remember, but we live with the loss.

Because there is a reason why we have to let go of things. It’s either something better will come your way, or you were never meant to hold it forever.