maids

I ate my lunch alone at Red Ribbon today. While I ate my dinuguan I observed three teenagers at the next table. I liked them for their freshness and youth and unselfconscious cheeriness; I was thinking, had I been that pretty? They looked like they got together for an afternoon at the mall, and their day was just starting. How nice for them.

They chatted about their various friends, then they started talking about their household help.

One of them, the one with a short bob cut, said that their maid was unbelievably stupid. Can you imagine, she asked her friends, she started cleaning my room while I was in bed?

The other girl, this one very fair and wearing very short shorts, said their maid was so thoughtless. She arrived after midnight and the maid did not even ask her if she had eaten, or if she needed anything. So she told the maid, "Hoy, ikaw, hampas-lupa ka talaga, asikasuhin mo muna ako." Or something to that effect.

They all laughed. Little Miss Short Shorts added that she would not hesitate to insult the maids if she felt they deserved it.

The third one said they had resorted to numbering the canned goods in the pantry, so that the maid would not be able to take one without them knowing. Since they have a LOT of items in their pantry, it was easy to see if Corned Beef Number 8 had disappeared before Number 7. Maybe they had imported brands, and of course they were not bought for the lowly household help.

They went on, tall-taling each other about their misfortunes in their maids. I stopped liking their fresh faces because of what came out of their mouths. I wished I was their mother, or that I was as rude as them, so I could give them a proper tongue-lashing. It was an ugly thing, to hear them belittling the people they take for granted, the people who help make their lives comfortable.

If that is what being privileged does to those girls, I hope we don't get rich enough to afford maids. I hope my daughters would grow up knowing how to do housework, and that they would know enough to appreciate people as they are, with enough respect, no matter what they do for a living.

And maybe next time I will just sit next to some more old ladies who look interesting.

the good daughter-in-law

My mother-in-law has seven children. With daughters- and sons-in-laws and fifteen grandchildren, you can imagine the noise and general confusion when we get together. My husband and I are the only ones who live farthest from them. We have to travel five hours to visit them. All the others live close by; if you don't like what's for dinner you could check the other houses what they cooked.

Such proximity has allowed them to be a tightly-knit family. No problem is small enough to be shared, and you're free to offer solutions, whether it's for a four-year-old who's a picky eater, or a loan to finance a new van.

Such proximity also causes little troubles. With the exception of my children, the other grandchildren are always together. So when they fight, or when someone gets hurt, the mothers get into the fray. Then there are the favors given to the siblings. My husband is the youngest son and the self-proclaimed favorite, and so he jokes that my mother-in-law loves us more than the others. Sometimes the others don't find it funny.

Coming from a small family, I am often dazed at the level of activity in the houses and the depth of their involvement in each other's lives. I check and double-check my gifts at Christmas to make sure I don't miss anyone, and when we visit, I am careful to go to each house and stay to chat so I won't offend the various family members.

I am the chronicler of my mother-in-law's family. Any occasion that we are invited to, all the birthdays and wedding anniversaries that came to pass while we are in her house, I get to be the unofficial photographer. Until recently, I was the only one who owned a camera in the family. And it being digital, I was the only one who used it with abandon. After all, I was also the only one known to spend half an hour taking pictures of a plate of chili.

Being a part of my mother-in-law's family is tough. I prefer to deal with them like I'm taking pictures. I frame each shot carefully, making sure I get everyone in the frame. I provide minimum distraction. I don't zoom all that much; I take closer shots. And I try to see each person in a good light.