the good daughter-in-law

My mother-in-law has seven children. With daughters- and sons-in-laws and fifteen grandchildren, you can imagine the noise and general confusion when we get together. My husband and I are the only ones who live farthest from them. We have to travel five hours to visit them. All the others live close by; if you don't like what's for dinner you could check the other houses what they cooked.

Such proximity has allowed them to be a tightly-knit family. No problem is small enough to be shared, and you're free to offer solutions, whether it's for a four-year-old who's a picky eater, or a loan to finance a new van.

Such proximity also causes little troubles. With the exception of my children, the other grandchildren are always together. So when they fight, or when someone gets hurt, the mothers get into the fray. Then there are the favors given to the siblings. My husband is the youngest son and the self-proclaimed favorite, and so he jokes that my mother-in-law loves us more than the others. Sometimes the others don't find it funny.

Coming from a small family, I am often dazed at the level of activity in the houses and the depth of their involvement in each other's lives. I check and double-check my gifts at Christmas to make sure I don't miss anyone, and when we visit, I am careful to go to each house and stay to chat so I won't offend the various family members.

I am the chronicler of my mother-in-law's family. Any occasion that we are invited to, all the birthdays and wedding anniversaries that came to pass while we are in her house, I get to be the unofficial photographer. Until recently, I was the only one who owned a camera in the family. And it being digital, I was the only one who used it with abandon. After all, I was also the only one known to spend half an hour taking pictures of a plate of chili.

Being a part of my mother-in-law's family is tough. I prefer to deal with them like I'm taking pictures. I frame each shot carefully, making sure I get everyone in the frame. I provide minimum distraction. I don't zoom all that much; I take closer shots. And I try to see each person in a good light.