the loving wife

My husband says is coming home late tonight. There was a time when I would have worried about his safety on the road, or about the friends he goes out with, but we've been through a lot of similar nights that it doesn't bother me anymore. I'm not worried if he chooses to come home drunk, or if he chooses to come home at all. Like a lot of things in married life, the best way to handle disappointment is not to expect too much.

Em's husband is cheating on her. They have a 20-year-old son. Em is now 48 years old; her husband is 9 years older. Em looks like she's 35, she's a devout Catholic, and a dedicated, old-fashioned wife who still believes they can grow old together even if she has known about the other woman for 3 years now. And one can ask: why do these things happen?

Dee's husband comes home from abroad once or twice a year. He came home last year, and on his first week home he went out and slept with a girl from a bar, while Dee woke up her policeman friend to help search for her husband whom she thought was held up or killed on a roadside somewhere.

It is a sorry excuse, but you often hear 'Men will always be men.' I don't mean it's been wired into them from the very beginning, but it is difficult to believe they will stay faithful. They are bound to cheat sooner or later, and intentionally or unintentionally hurt the wife. Who knows what they say or do when they're with friends? Or for that matter, who knows if they are really with friends when they stay out late or don't come home at all, citing overtime or field work? Who knows, while you're deluding yourself that the reason why there is less sex these days is because he is concerned about your pregnancy, when he could be busy exploring other dark and tight places ?

But you cannot sit back and anguish over the lies he might or might not have told you. You cannot lose sleep thinking where you went wrong, or what faults you had, or how ugly you have become to make him lose interest. In the end, the choice is still the wife's. You can choose to remain beautiful even if your heart is breaking, or you can prove to him that you've truly gotten ugly inside and out. You can hold your head high or you can lose your dignity. You can get over it, or wallow in misery.

Being a good wife goes beyond cooking a man's meals, giving him children, and being ready for sex even if you're dog-tired after keeping house. It's also about keeping your own space and respecting yourself. It's about knowing your worth and letting him know it too. It's about treating him like a king, but knowing you are the queen of your own destiny. Happiness is a choice, not a circumstance. If it's about love, fine. People do great things for love, but people also do the stupidest things for love. It's still about choosing how much you should love yourself.